Hmmm...I guess if I want to have a blog, I have to be human, too...

So, I've been thinking for some time now (okay, years) that I should perhaps let the general public into my inner world -- meaning, that I should start writing off-the-cuff. After all, I'm trying to get across to you all that this is a real human being typing this stuff. I figure, for my writing to be applicable to anyone who's trying to go to school and raise kids both, and for it to be inspiring enough for the disabled, I should perhaps get into more of my struggles than my seemingly "normal" peers have going on in their lives. This is real life here, folks.

Getting out of bed in the morning, for me, is hard -- and I mean, EVERY DAY. I wake up and I'm exhausted and this is a regular occurrence. It occurred to me today, however, after reading an exceptionally forward status update (on FB, you guessed? 2 points! You're right!) that my exhaustion is not me being abnormal. I'm sure it's a remnant of the depression whose butt wasn't proverbially kicked by medication. Unfortunately, in my quest to fine tune this medication thing, I ran across Abilify.

Diagnosis? Bipolar Disorder, NOS. I also have Chronic Depression, Generalized Anxiety, and PTSD along with Bulimia in partial remission, but the main focus of my medication-go-round is my Bipolar Disorder. I present with anxiety and irritability in place of mania -- and whoa, Nelly, you better watch out for that irritability on some days because I even irritate myself. But Abilify and me aren't such great friends after all. In fact, this Abilify thing is driving me nuts. To be more specific:

I started on 2mg and almost immediately noticed a weight difference. I actually thought I was pregnant at one point. I went off of it for 2 weeks to see if the weight gain would reverse itself and *thought* I lost weight (but according to Dr. office scale, it was sadly not the case) -- I went back on the Abilify at the1mg level for 2 weeks, then just upped the dose to 2mg again last Friday. I can't hardly fit into my formerly loose pants (formerly, meaning a month and a half ago). I'm going crazy over this. I'm thinking about going off of it again. So, I start posting things like "Medication with weight-gain-side-effects should be made illegal" and "Drug companies should foot the bill, at the very least, for new clothes" but aside from the tongue-in-cheek humor, I'm really getting anxious and depressed over the weight gain, and quite perturbed as well! Since these are the symptoms that the medication I'm on is supposed to address, I call it a push. What do you think?