Blessings and Hurdles

Went to Yosemite Area to accept my award for the Soroptomist International Sierra Nevada Region. I was second in a number of applicants (don't ask me how many). There were over 300 people in attendance for the event that weekend -- officials for the organization, club members from 44 different clubs all over California, other award winners and guests) and when I got up to speak, I felt eerily comfortable. I received a standing ovation from -- I dunno -- over 200 people and it felt AWESOME. I met wonderful people who are all dedicated to advancing women in this world in so many ways, and I was so happy to be a part of it!

My children and my accomodations were paid for (read: "WOW") so we headed into the Yosemite Valley after we left the event and experienced the waterfall that I haven't seen since I was a kid. My younger one got to see snow for the first time and was pleasantly overjoyed by just getting to play in it. I received "thank you's" aplenty and was in awe of the whole thing. God is awesome. So I thought I'd put a picture of Yosemite in here to cap it off... (I took it -- thank you very much!)

So, this is a good model of me today. Seems like I always blog when I'm feeling especially productive or when I'm feeling especially -- NOT.

Anyways, lots of tasks to attend to and I'm having issues with a couple of classes and a couple of professors' teaching styles are conflicting with my ability to soak up the information (right now, my "sopping up" ability is more like a rock than a sponge.) Makes me want to give up when they seemingly change the materials that are posted online and email notices at 11pm the night before class for the next day's class period.
I have to take a break from school in order to remain among the non-insane. My disability significantly hinders me from accomplishing all the tasks necessary for school-- WHOA, actually I realized I've never talked about my disability on this blog --
so here goes:

I have a disability, work with Disabled Student Services and am receiving treatment outside of school for it as well. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar I, which according to some information I found on the internet is the more severe of disorders between Bipolar I and II.

**Update (5/16/08): I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar-NOS in 2000/2001. Bipolar-NOS, according to my research, is a miscellaneous category used to put people who have symptoms of Bipolar Disorder but do not fit a specific category of the disorder in order to have a diagnosis of Bipolar I or II. At some point in time, to which I was not made aware of, my diagnosis was changed to Bipolar I -- I was under the impression, until about a month ago, that I have had the diagnosis of Bipolar-NOS this whole time. In trying to address a different issue of diagnosis with the mental health staff, I was made aware that again my diagnosis had been changed back to the Bipolar-NOS category (which I was also not told about) and in trying to address that issue with supervisory staff to get it changed back to the specific category of Bipolar I, I was told that it would not be changed. This is extremely frustrating for me to have my diagnosis go from a miscellaneous category to a specific one (which, I believe is conducive to more accurate forms of treatment for the disorder) then back to a miscellaneous one and to be told it would not be changed back again. In my opinion, this clearly shows the impotence of the public mental health system and is very unfortunate. I also find it interesting that the Patient Rights Advocate to whom I spoke with told me that in the twenty years she has worked for the agency, NO ONE has asked to change their diagnosis (but apparently she was mistaken; I was told by another staff member that there indeed was another person who successfully petitioned to have hers changed). Again, more inadequate information and handling of a person's situation. We are all human beings and deserve to be treated with respect and as though our opinions matter -- no matter who we are.**

My symptoms fluctuate on an ongoing basis -- and that's an understatement. I have depression, anxiety, racing thoughts, disorganized thought patterns; frequently have difficulty maintaining active attention on tasks and information, difficulty organizing tasks into proper sequence, get tired very easily (this may be related more to my thyroid disorder than my bipolar disorder, but it's still the case); get frustrated easily, am very irritated by noise (especially repetitive noise) and other issues I'm sure I've left out. A good example of my disability in action for me on a bad day is this: I remember distinctly one day, not being able to coordinate my thoughts into sequence in order to finish making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my child. That sucks.

All symptoms I suffer from (whether they are listed here or not) are exacerbated by both stress and poor sleep (less than 7-and-a-half hours seems to be inadequate, according to the documentation I've been keeping since last August). This doesn't lend well to the life of a full-time student at a State University, full-time mother, and person in recovery. I am always very dedicated to my commitments both in the home and outside the home (sometimes to a fault), but school always has to come second to my health and my children -- and, sad to say, even they have had to "wait" for my attention when school or recovery commitments arise.

Needless to say, my plate is full. I have God on my side, though, and that's what really seems to carry me through. Gotta tell ya' praying is highly underrated! Anywho, if you can make sense of any of this and have something constructive to add as a comment, feel free to do so. Otherwise, it won't get posted!

Who invented caffeine, anyway???

Oh yeah, since I'm a "smart one," I forgot caffeine is a naturally occurring substance. You wouldn't be able to to tell, though, with the way manufacturers keep sucking the stuff out of biology and shoving it in cough-syrup-tasting drinks. And Starbucks are like legal drug dealers--okay, so --I'm a little tense. Just because I took another midterm today (seems my midterm from yesterday was lonely) and so I just had to jack myself up on caffeine before the exam. Wow.

Did you know that we human beings have actual receptor sites for nicotine (these are to our brains like loading docks are to the shore)??? SO glad I don't smoke. Anymore. But I gotta tell you, this courseload I've got makes me want to pick up the habit again. Not gonna. No way. I have saved my lungs (not to mention the environment and OTHER people's lungs) for way too long to go back to that.

...BUT, looks like I'm gonna have to give up caffeine. It's wreaking havoc on my nerves. I just don't see how that's gonna happen though. My biopsych professor from last quarter is my hero-- she still drinks at least 8 cups of coffee a day (used to be up to 20). I love coffee.

Gotta go, more school related stuff I gotta do!

And it costs money, too...

So, here I am in a veritable crockpot of classroom sewage in my mind. I've got a dumpster full of information in the 3rd week of school and it's all sloshing around in that good ol' apparatus I call my head.

Now, to sort it out. Too bad they don't make a computer program with a little computer man that crawls in your ear, cleans out the "useless information" (i.e. knows whether or not you'll ever need it again), and simultaneously organizes the rest of the information in your head into neat, little, cross-referenced categories.

Like say, for instance, I wanted to know how Article III of the Constitution applies to the Judicial Branch of the U.S. government (which, we're pretending I actually WANT to know this-- I'm only using that as an example because I have an exam on it next week and just got out of that class so it's firmly embedded in my brain) and cross-reference that information with everything my instructor has ever hinted is going to be on the exam. Voila! I would only study that particular information and would scoot it neatly into its own mental folder labeled "Poli Sci, Exam I" for easy access when I take the exam! Instant A!

Of course, they're just now getting to the point where they're microchipping people's passports and dogs, so this may take a while. But for all you computer nerds out there, get on it!!! I'm drowning in information here! Thanks...

By the by, I dropped the USCP course and am taking another GE course for credit/no-credit instead. Yay!

The power of prayer -- and of studying like a crazy woman

So, I didn't really study as well as I could have for my second Biopsychology midterm. HOWEVER, I solicited prayers from everyone I thought God would listen to (he he) including my child, who's under ten....

And studied like no one's ever seen me study before -- okay, that's not entirely true. I study like that whenever I'm in a panic. And it worked. I got an 89% which is pretty good considering it covered everything from neurotransmitters to the sexual disorders and how they come about (XY genotype, XYY genotype, Kleinfelter's syndrome, Androgen-Insensitivity, etc.).

So, I guess you could say, for the first time in a looooooooong time, I'm pretty happy with a B.
Yay me!

Check out the survey....

In my mode of "avoid avoid avoid studying for my midterm" I have added a somewhat-interesting survey to the bottom of my page. Hope you enjoy it! Gotta (actually) study -- again -- now!

Just checking in...

My adoring fan (singular, ha ha) reminded me that I have a blog yesterday, so I feel compelled to write.

Must I write? I just completed three assignments for two other classes including an essay for my Poetry Writing Class on "Why I hated the poet I just went to watch on Sunday" (I didn't really name it that, but it sounded more interesting than "Poetry Reading Report"). It was supposed to be 500 words, by the way. And just to add extra emphasis to the fact that I have terminal verbal diarrhea, it turned out to be closer to 950 words. OOPS.

Anyways, chronic over-achiever that I am, I had a meltdown yesterday. Seems that when I was attending community college, I got into a habit, albeit a routine, of taking naps whenever and wherever necessary (even in my car in the parking lot of the local library). Since I decided to be a full-fledged Poly Dolly, I've suddenly decided that I should try to function sans nap. NOT A GOOD IDEA. So, I dropped everything, and I mean everything to nap yesterday. Day went much much better, thank you very much.

I am hoping this, however: to all students, previous, present and future -- I welcome any suggestions, however small, as to how to balance this bucket of chaos I call my life and all the accompaniments thereof. This includes children, school, doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, housecleaning, cooking, etc. etc. ETC. HELP!

If I ran any faster, I would be nvisible

For what it's worth, I'm scrambling my own brain just to keep my mind preoccupied and off the panic that is ensuing per my upcoming "big girl" college starting date. It's only 11 days away, and I've ordered the main texts, purchased the instructor-written/published documents from the college bookstore, taken my daughter to the campus (just so she could see where mommy's going to go to school), and dug my old bookbag out of my closet in preparation for riding the bus to and from school. I even bought a thermos to take yogurt and such with me to school to avoid laughing hysterically at the on-campus restaurant's food prices.

With so much preparation, I might be turning into a topical hemorrhoid treatment here any day (ANY AND ALL PUNS INTENDED, THANK YOU VERY MUCH). For now though, I'm just gonna sign off and try to relax. Until we meet again...