Gaps in coverage - both on this blog and with insurance

I love double entendres. Only, this one's not meant to be risqué.

I was reviewing my blog entries, as I do from time to time. I noticed a *major* gap in coverage, so to speak. Meaning, I didn't post between the two dates below:

◘  7/20/12 to 10/12/15 -- *this is more than 3 years!

    ○ Reasons I believe this happened:

        ◙ I started my traineeship with a local non-profit as a volunteer therapist in March, 2012. I held this position while I completed school and my Master's Thesis.
        ◙ In July, 2012, I started working in earnest with my thesis advisor regarding collecting data for the thesis. This involved all the nitty gritty details of writing the informed consent document to University standards, establishing validity/reliability of the instruments being used to collect the data, and finding professors on campus willing to let me collect data during class times they were teaching.
        ◙ I began collecting data, analyzing it (hired a scoring sheet intern with my Thesis Advisor's help and entering the data into SPSS) and writing the thesis in earnest. I continued to edit (and revise, revise, revise) the overall content of the document with my Thesis Advisor's help and completed it in time for graduation. It was labor and time-intensive and took 5 quarters to complete. Thanks, Selby!
        ◙ I graduated with my M.S. in Psychology in June 2013, and became employed working with a co-occurring disorders program for clients with primary substance use disorder who also were diagnosed with a secondary mental health diagnosis.

I retained both that position and my volunteer position with the non-profit until June 2014, when I was hired on full-time as a permanent employee as the Coordinator of a forensic program (forensic = legally-involved clients) with mental health and substance use disorders (about 80% of the total caseload were co-occurring, as in, had both).

As Coordinator, I did a lot of duties. And, "other duties as assigned." ☺
        --In other words, I had a lot going on.-- This part just covered the career aspect of my life.

When my younger daughter became ill, the focus became her recovery. The disclosure of any and all information pertaining to my daughter's health issues is to encourage others to speak up, to gain and give support from and to others, and to have a venue in which I can find solace knowing that I am not alone.

In October 2015, as soon as I wrote again, the focus became advocacy, due to the hardships I have had, and others included, in what we dub "the system." While I'm grateful that the health care system exists, it is far too complicated to navigate and leaves considerable gaps in coverage that are not necessarily covered by supplemental programs (if the program exists or is accessible if one does exist).

When my daughter became so ill that it became *crystal clear* to me that I needed to take time off, it was time to take action by not only speaking up in "real life", but also expressing my concerns on this blog.

We continue to fight. Every day. We are going to the neurology consult at UCLA in March. There have been several agencies that by the Higher Power of the Universe (whatever you determine yours to be) have chosen to help us. For the roadblocks we have encountered, we will continue to challenge and will continue to do so until a solution is reached.

In the meantime, I am her primary support person, her mom, her coach, her reminder of her positive qualities, her reminder that this fight may not end, but we will remain strong, and perhaps help others as a result.

I can see by the numbers that people are accessing this blog (18,000+ views and growing), and that certain posts are viewed more than others (given the higher count next to the post). It seems as though the "hot button topic" posts are the ones that get the most attention. However, not many of you comment. I hope you start!

♥Won't you please help another person (or yourself) by simply commenting and stating a need, a solution, or simply venting?♥

I'm open to all these options.

We, and others, need to hear your voice now. Please.

My voice/opinions and such are growing old to me, and I need to be able help others with all the knowledge I've gathered over the many years I've accessed our "system".

I've been talking about these issues far longer than I've been writing on this blog about it. I need a fresh perspective, an angle I haven't tried. But, MOST OF ALL...

...Take care of yourselves and each other. We're all in this world together. ♥
     

Just a little F.Y.I.

Nope. No research today! I've been struggling to find a topic for my latest blog post that would be useful and beneficial to those who read it, but I've come up short. I've perused ScienceDaily.com all the way to (gasp!) wikipedia.com and I can't seem to come up with a topic.

So, I'll just share what I know: fatigue.

It's come to my attention that at this point in the quarter (week 8, to be exact), my brain and my body do not cooperate with one another. I can take my body to all the places it needs to go (school, appointments, and the like) but my brain keeps checking out, getting distracted, and just, well, plain not cooperating with my plan for the day.

So, given the fact that I'm a "talk therapy" advocate, I'll "talk" about it.

I'm frustrated with the fatigue that hits me at this point in the quarter. I try to accomplish homework and my other life obligations and I just can't seem to get the motivation up to even exercise (which is a 5-times-weekly activity for me, so I'd say it's already a habit and shouldn't be subject to "motivation"). However, I have to get into acceptance about the fact that my body can only do so much. But, I still balk at the idea of "letting things go." After all, there's always so much to be done! But, as I've heard before (from a wise person, I'm sure), much more useful work gets done if one is prepared and well rested for it.

I think I'll go take a nap. Just kidding. Maybe...

Grad Students: Adult v. Non-Adult students

Seems my brain has gone on a semi-permanent hiatus lately. It's a mere 5 weeks into the 11-week quarter and I've already fallen behind on my reading. It's a far cry from where I was as an undergrad, though! I was lucky if I even got to the reading! Thank goodness for discipline.

So, I wonder, do Grad Students have more issues with exhaustion than Undergrad Students? It begs consideration. I decided to do a little research.... and this is what I came up with -- a professor's perspective:

"When beginning a program, students should expect to feel overwhelmed...I must say my adult learners seem to do very well with balancing the many issues they have going on, such as school, life and work. Not to say that my other students don't do well, it's just that the adult learners seem to be able to keep up with little or no foreseen problems." --gradschools.com

 Well, I must say, that's a relief! There certainly are many trials one must get through just to be able to go to a Graduate-level program. Then, once one gets there, it's even more difficult to succeed. Grad School is not for the faint of heart! I believe this is a well-known thing, but I needed to see it in print for myself.

The article goes on to say that time management is an essential part of keeping the "overwhelm" in check. I haven't personally gotten to the point where I feel like I've mastered time management, but I'll let you know when I get there!

If only my head didn't have a brain...

If it were possible for my head to explode, I'm sure it would've done it already, but darn-it-all, I'm really testing the limits of my brain's capacity for information.

Second day of the second quarter of Grad School, and you'd think I'd have this thing down by now but nope: I AM A NERVOUS WRECK ALREADY. Don't get me wrong. I know I'm blessed to be here because, by any stretch of the imagination, I should *not* be. Even. Here. Period. Given my history and background, I'm miles and miles away from where karma would've chosen I be. But I'm not. So, again I thank God and my friends and family who have supported and continue to support me, and take another step forward...

Blessings and Hurdles

Went to Yosemite Area to accept my award for the Soroptomist International Sierra Nevada Region. I was second in a number of applicants (don't ask me how many). There were over 300 people in attendance for the event that weekend -- officials for the organization, club members from 44 different clubs all over California, other award winners and guests) and when I got up to speak, I felt eerily comfortable. I received a standing ovation from -- I dunno -- over 200 people and it felt AWESOME. I met wonderful people who are all dedicated to advancing women in this world in so many ways, and I was so happy to be a part of it!

My children and my accomodations were paid for (read: "WOW") so we headed into the Yosemite Valley after we left the event and experienced the waterfall that I haven't seen since I was a kid. My younger one got to see snow for the first time and was pleasantly overjoyed by just getting to play in it. I received "thank you's" aplenty and was in awe of the whole thing. God is awesome. So I thought I'd put a picture of Yosemite in here to cap it off... (I took it -- thank you very much!)

So, this is a good model of me today. Seems like I always blog when I'm feeling especially productive or when I'm feeling especially -- NOT.

Anyways, lots of tasks to attend to and I'm having issues with a couple of classes and a couple of professors' teaching styles are conflicting with my ability to soak up the information (right now, my "sopping up" ability is more like a rock than a sponge.) Makes me want to give up when they seemingly change the materials that are posted online and email notices at 11pm the night before class for the next day's class period.
I have to take a break from school in order to remain among the non-insane. My disability significantly hinders me from accomplishing all the tasks necessary for school-- WHOA, actually I realized I've never talked about my disability on this blog --
so here goes:

I have a disability, work with Disabled Student Services and am receiving treatment outside of school for it as well. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar I, which according to some information I found on the internet is the more severe of disorders between Bipolar I and II.

**Update (5/16/08): I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar-NOS in 2000/2001. Bipolar-NOS, according to my research, is a miscellaneous category used to put people who have symptoms of Bipolar Disorder but do not fit a specific category of the disorder in order to have a diagnosis of Bipolar I or II. At some point in time, to which I was not made aware of, my diagnosis was changed to Bipolar I -- I was under the impression, until about a month ago, that I have had the diagnosis of Bipolar-NOS this whole time. In trying to address a different issue of diagnosis with the mental health staff, I was made aware that again my diagnosis had been changed back to the Bipolar-NOS category (which I was also not told about) and in trying to address that issue with supervisory staff to get it changed back to the specific category of Bipolar I, I was told that it would not be changed. This is extremely frustrating for me to have my diagnosis go from a miscellaneous category to a specific one (which, I believe is conducive to more accurate forms of treatment for the disorder) then back to a miscellaneous one and to be told it would not be changed back again. In my opinion, this clearly shows the impotence of the public mental health system and is very unfortunate. I also find it interesting that the Patient Rights Advocate to whom I spoke with told me that in the twenty years she has worked for the agency, NO ONE has asked to change their diagnosis (but apparently she was mistaken; I was told by another staff member that there indeed was another person who successfully petitioned to have hers changed). Again, more inadequate information and handling of a person's situation. We are all human beings and deserve to be treated with respect and as though our opinions matter -- no matter who we are.**

My symptoms fluctuate on an ongoing basis -- and that's an understatement. I have depression, anxiety, racing thoughts, disorganized thought patterns; frequently have difficulty maintaining active attention on tasks and information, difficulty organizing tasks into proper sequence, get tired very easily (this may be related more to my thyroid disorder than my bipolar disorder, but it's still the case); get frustrated easily, am very irritated by noise (especially repetitive noise) and other issues I'm sure I've left out. A good example of my disability in action for me on a bad day is this: I remember distinctly one day, not being able to coordinate my thoughts into sequence in order to finish making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my child. That sucks.

All symptoms I suffer from (whether they are listed here or not) are exacerbated by both stress and poor sleep (less than 7-and-a-half hours seems to be inadequate, according to the documentation I've been keeping since last August). This doesn't lend well to the life of a full-time student at a State University, full-time mother, and person in recovery. I am always very dedicated to my commitments both in the home and outside the home (sometimes to a fault), but school always has to come second to my health and my children -- and, sad to say, even they have had to "wait" for my attention when school or recovery commitments arise.

Needless to say, my plate is full. I have God on my side, though, and that's what really seems to carry me through. Gotta tell ya' praying is highly underrated! Anywho, if you can make sense of any of this and have something constructive to add as a comment, feel free to do so. Otherwise, it won't get posted!

Who invented caffeine, anyway???

Oh yeah, since I'm a "smart one," I forgot caffeine is a naturally occurring substance. You wouldn't be able to to tell, though, with the way manufacturers keep sucking the stuff out of biology and shoving it in cough-syrup-tasting drinks. And Starbucks are like legal drug dealers--okay, so --I'm a little tense. Just because I took another midterm today (seems my midterm from yesterday was lonely) and so I just had to jack myself up on caffeine before the exam. Wow.

Did you know that we human beings have actual receptor sites for nicotine (these are to our brains like loading docks are to the shore)??? SO glad I don't smoke. Anymore. But I gotta tell you, this courseload I've got makes me want to pick up the habit again. Not gonna. No way. I have saved my lungs (not to mention the environment and OTHER people's lungs) for way too long to go back to that.

...BUT, looks like I'm gonna have to give up caffeine. It's wreaking havoc on my nerves. I just don't see how that's gonna happen though. My biopsych professor from last quarter is my hero-- she still drinks at least 8 cups of coffee a day (used to be up to 20). I love coffee.

Gotta go, more school related stuff I gotta do!

And it costs money, too...

So, here I am in a veritable crockpot of classroom sewage in my mind. I've got a dumpster full of information in the 3rd week of school and it's all sloshing around in that good ol' apparatus I call my head.

Now, to sort it out. Too bad they don't make a computer program with a little computer man that crawls in your ear, cleans out the "useless information" (i.e. knows whether or not you'll ever need it again), and simultaneously organizes the rest of the information in your head into neat, little, cross-referenced categories.

Like say, for instance, I wanted to know how Article III of the Constitution applies to the Judicial Branch of the U.S. government (which, we're pretending I actually WANT to know this-- I'm only using that as an example because I have an exam on it next week and just got out of that class so it's firmly embedded in my brain) and cross-reference that information with everything my instructor has ever hinted is going to be on the exam. Voila! I would only study that particular information and would scoot it neatly into its own mental folder labeled "Poli Sci, Exam I" for easy access when I take the exam! Instant A!

Of course, they're just now getting to the point where they're microchipping people's passports and dogs, so this may take a while. But for all you computer nerds out there, get on it!!! I'm drowning in information here! Thanks...

By the by, I dropped the USCP course and am taking another GE course for credit/no-credit instead. Yay!

Don't institutionalize me for being smart...

I have a brain that thinks all the time -- whether or not it has permission from me. I remember one time, not too far back in the cave of my brain I call "memory" the morning I woke up and I was already IN MID-THOUGHT. I didn't know that was possible.
Well, now I do! Howdy doody on that one, folks.

Second week of the quarter and I'm not as insane as I was last week. Beginning to see the difference between busy work and actual things worth taking my time on. I have discovered a very reading-relevant fact about myself: if I think what I am reading is important, I read REALLY slowly. I mean, REALLLLLL - l- - -llly, slowly. It's annoying. However, I shall find a way around this as well. Well, I got a full load of classes and a limited number of hours in my day.

Gotta go!

HELP, I can't b-r-e-a-t-h.e.....

First week back at school with a full load this quarter. My anxiety is through the roof so I just thought I'd write about it to take the edge off.

Been praying -- a lot -- lately. It's not so much doing the work at school and at home that gets to me. It's the in-between times when I don't have anything to do that I well up with an overflow of anxiety that, if converted to food units, could feed an entire country it seems.

I want to eat my stomach right now, then maybe it will quiet down a bit. But rather than to disembowel self, I shall disengage. Time to leave campus and see what goeth on in the "real world."

Just checking in...

My adoring fan (singular, ha ha) reminded me that I have a blog yesterday, so I feel compelled to write.

Must I write? I just completed three assignments for two other classes including an essay for my Poetry Writing Class on "Why I hated the poet I just went to watch on Sunday" (I didn't really name it that, but it sounded more interesting than "Poetry Reading Report"). It was supposed to be 500 words, by the way. And just to add extra emphasis to the fact that I have terminal verbal diarrhea, it turned out to be closer to 950 words. OOPS.

Anyways, chronic over-achiever that I am, I had a meltdown yesterday. Seems that when I was attending community college, I got into a habit, albeit a routine, of taking naps whenever and wherever necessary (even in my car in the parking lot of the local library). Since I decided to be a full-fledged Poly Dolly, I've suddenly decided that I should try to function sans nap. NOT A GOOD IDEA. So, I dropped everything, and I mean everything to nap yesterday. Day went much much better, thank you very much.

I am hoping this, however: to all students, previous, present and future -- I welcome any suggestions, however small, as to how to balance this bucket of chaos I call my life and all the accompaniments thereof. This includes children, school, doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, housecleaning, cooking, etc. etc. ETC. HELP!