Gaps in coverage - both on this blog and with insurance

I love double entendres. Only, this one's not meant to be risqué.

I was reviewing my blog entries, as I do from time to time. I noticed a *major* gap in coverage, so to speak. Meaning, I didn't post between the two dates below:

◘  7/20/12 to 10/12/15 -- *this is more than 3 years!

    ○ Reasons I believe this happened:

        ◙ I started my traineeship with a local non-profit as a volunteer therapist in March, 2012. I held this position while I completed school and my Master's Thesis.
        ◙ In July, 2012, I started working in earnest with my thesis advisor regarding collecting data for the thesis. This involved all the nitty gritty details of writing the informed consent document to University standards, establishing validity/reliability of the instruments being used to collect the data, and finding professors on campus willing to let me collect data during class times they were teaching.
        ◙ I began collecting data, analyzing it (hired a scoring sheet intern with my Thesis Advisor's help and entering the data into SPSS) and writing the thesis in earnest. I continued to edit (and revise, revise, revise) the overall content of the document with my Thesis Advisor's help and completed it in time for graduation. It was labor and time-intensive and took 5 quarters to complete. Thanks, Selby!
        ◙ I graduated with my M.S. in Psychology in June 2013, and became employed working with a co-occurring disorders program for clients with primary substance use disorder who also were diagnosed with a secondary mental health diagnosis.

I retained both that position and my volunteer position with the non-profit until June 2014, when I was hired on full-time as a permanent employee as the Coordinator of a forensic program (forensic = legally-involved clients) with mental health and substance use disorders (about 80% of the total caseload were co-occurring, as in, had both).

As Coordinator, I did a lot of duties. And, "other duties as assigned." ☺
        --In other words, I had a lot going on.-- This part just covered the career aspect of my life.

When my younger daughter became ill, the focus became her recovery. The disclosure of any and all information pertaining to my daughter's health issues is to encourage others to speak up, to gain and give support from and to others, and to have a venue in which I can find solace knowing that I am not alone.

In October 2015, as soon as I wrote again, the focus became advocacy, due to the hardships I have had, and others included, in what we dub "the system." While I'm grateful that the health care system exists, it is far too complicated to navigate and leaves considerable gaps in coverage that are not necessarily covered by supplemental programs (if the program exists or is accessible if one does exist).

When my daughter became so ill that it became *crystal clear* to me that I needed to take time off, it was time to take action by not only speaking up in "real life", but also expressing my concerns on this blog.

We continue to fight. Every day. We are going to the neurology consult at UCLA in March. There have been several agencies that by the Higher Power of the Universe (whatever you determine yours to be) have chosen to help us. For the roadblocks we have encountered, we will continue to challenge and will continue to do so until a solution is reached.

In the meantime, I am her primary support person, her mom, her coach, her reminder of her positive qualities, her reminder that this fight may not end, but we will remain strong, and perhaps help others as a result.

I can see by the numbers that people are accessing this blog (18,000+ views and growing), and that certain posts are viewed more than others (given the higher count next to the post). It seems as though the "hot button topic" posts are the ones that get the most attention. However, not many of you comment. I hope you start!

♥Won't you please help another person (or yourself) by simply commenting and stating a need, a solution, or simply venting?♥

I'm open to all these options.

We, and others, need to hear your voice now. Please.

My voice/opinions and such are growing old to me, and I need to be able help others with all the knowledge I've gathered over the many years I've accessed our "system".

I've been talking about these issues far longer than I've been writing on this blog about it. I need a fresh perspective, an angle I haven't tried. But, MOST OF ALL...

...Take care of yourselves and each other. We're all in this world together. ♥
     

My life or yours? A philosophical quest.

Ever wonder what it would be like to live someone else's life? Sure you have. I know I have.

The problem with living someone else's life is that we still take us with us -- wherever we go -- even into someone else's life. (Otherwise, we wouldn't know we were in someone else's life in the first place). So, instead of having the life we do (or don't) know how to deal with -- but are at least used to -- we have a whole set of circumstances that are new to us, a whole new group of people to call family and friends, and yet the same old 'me.'

Forgive me for the philosophical rant, but I'm on a quest to be grateful for my life... ALL the time. I'd rather get used to, and learn to like -- heck, love -- my own life. I seem to be doing pretty well in this life so far. It has it's challenges, but the one thing I think it's important to note is that no one else can be me -- I am the best person for my job. Be you -- and be you well.

If only my head didn't have a brain...

If it were possible for my head to explode, I'm sure it would've done it already, but darn-it-all, I'm really testing the limits of my brain's capacity for information.

Second day of the second quarter of Grad School, and you'd think I'd have this thing down by now but nope: I AM A NERVOUS WRECK ALREADY. Don't get me wrong. I know I'm blessed to be here because, by any stretch of the imagination, I should *not* be. Even. Here. Period. Given my history and background, I'm miles and miles away from where karma would've chosen I be. But I'm not. So, again I thank God and my friends and family who have supported and continue to support me, and take another step forward...

Should I even bother?

Hey there, campers. I'm baaaaaaaack!!! I don't think I'll be mentioning how much time elapses in between my posts anymore for there's just no point. I took a quarter off (I think most people who know about a pinkie toe's worth about me can attest to the fact that I was losing it...) to take care of health issues that I'd been putting on the back burner for over two years. And it was causing a blooming of other health problems for me (sort of a mushrooming effect, I'd say). So, a bone scan, a serious vacation, and some quality time learning to take care of myself later, I'm not all perfect and shiny, but I AM a lot better.

That research internship I was doing in the Summer of '08 taught me this: I DON'T, and I repeat (picture me screaming, and pitching a fit on the floor and banging my fists) DON'T LIKE TO ANALYZE DATA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully I got my point across, but I think that internship was the straw that broke this camel's back.

BTW, I got an "A-" in the Memory and Cognition class I was taking. Apparently, I'm smarter than I like to give myself credit for...

So, now I'm doing the second half of that research internship as a requirement for my degree, but I've got a far better "job" this time: Community Service Coordinator for the mentoring program I had previously analyzed data for. I rock it, I think. As long as I report what I'm doing to the professor and Lead Mentor, I've pretty much got free reign to set my own agenda as long as I complete a set of tasks the professor gave me in the beginning. Cool beans.

The other two classes (after I serve my obligatory 12 hours a week in the lab) are my Behavioral Effects of Psychoactive Drugs and Multicultural Psychology classes. I've heard that professor who used to teach the Psychoactive Drugs class used to bring in a "box of drugs" to show as examples to the class (I'm assuming they weren't someone's blood pressure medication, if you know what I mean.) The current professor's pretty dry but she does come up with some off-the-wall stuff to talk about sometimes.

Anyways, gotta go, I got work to do. But I bet if you've read any previous posts on this blog, you already knew that.

Time flies even if you're not having fun

WOW-- cannot believe it's been three weeks since I blogged. But then again, I can. It's been crazy during the week trying to (as always) balance motherhood, student duties, and recovery. But I do try my best. That's all I can do: pray and keep trying. But, with the exception of last weekend, it's been crazy on the weekends as well as during the week -- crazy good though.

The weekend after I came back from Yosemite from the Soroptomist International Awards Ceremony, I took my younger child to two California amusement parks, tickets courtesy of a family friend. All I had to do was come up with accomodations (which someone approached me about sharing, read: sharing the cost) and so it was set. Even though I had a Midterm in one of my classes the following Monday (meaning I'd only be able to study in the car, the hotel, and at the parks themselves) I went anyways. And, it was worth it. I actually took my book in with me to one of the amusement parks and I got an "A" on the Midterm, so who says you can't mix fun and work!!!

Last weekend, we had two BBQs to go to, plus a committee meeting of mine on Sunday. The Teen Challenge Program came and spoke at the church I attend, which was really cool to see. It's nice to see acceptance of mistakes on a grand level -- I can definitely relate to big mistakes and acceptance from others, and I and my children benefited from seeing the program participants doing well also.

So, I realize this blog entry is mostly about my weekends and not much about my weeks, but I am living a full life and happy to share it.

By the way, check out my new "Inspirational" music list. I needed the lift and hopefully you all will find it useful as well.

Blessings and Hurdles

Went to Yosemite Area to accept my award for the Soroptomist International Sierra Nevada Region. I was second in a number of applicants (don't ask me how many). There were over 300 people in attendance for the event that weekend -- officials for the organization, club members from 44 different clubs all over California, other award winners and guests) and when I got up to speak, I felt eerily comfortable. I received a standing ovation from -- I dunno -- over 200 people and it felt AWESOME. I met wonderful people who are all dedicated to advancing women in this world in so many ways, and I was so happy to be a part of it!

My children and my accomodations were paid for (read: "WOW") so we headed into the Yosemite Valley after we left the event and experienced the waterfall that I haven't seen since I was a kid. My younger one got to see snow for the first time and was pleasantly overjoyed by just getting to play in it. I received "thank you's" aplenty and was in awe of the whole thing. God is awesome. So I thought I'd put a picture of Yosemite in here to cap it off... (I took it -- thank you very much!)

So, this is a good model of me today. Seems like I always blog when I'm feeling especially productive or when I'm feeling especially -- NOT.

Anyways, lots of tasks to attend to and I'm having issues with a couple of classes and a couple of professors' teaching styles are conflicting with my ability to soak up the information (right now, my "sopping up" ability is more like a rock than a sponge.) Makes me want to give up when they seemingly change the materials that are posted online and email notices at 11pm the night before class for the next day's class period.
I have to take a break from school in order to remain among the non-insane. My disability significantly hinders me from accomplishing all the tasks necessary for school-- WHOA, actually I realized I've never talked about my disability on this blog --
so here goes:

I have a disability, work with Disabled Student Services and am receiving treatment outside of school for it as well. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar I, which according to some information I found on the internet is the more severe of disorders between Bipolar I and II.

**Update (5/16/08): I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar-NOS in 2000/2001. Bipolar-NOS, according to my research, is a miscellaneous category used to put people who have symptoms of Bipolar Disorder but do not fit a specific category of the disorder in order to have a diagnosis of Bipolar I or II. At some point in time, to which I was not made aware of, my diagnosis was changed to Bipolar I -- I was under the impression, until about a month ago, that I have had the diagnosis of Bipolar-NOS this whole time. In trying to address a different issue of diagnosis with the mental health staff, I was made aware that again my diagnosis had been changed back to the Bipolar-NOS category (which I was also not told about) and in trying to address that issue with supervisory staff to get it changed back to the specific category of Bipolar I, I was told that it would not be changed. This is extremely frustrating for me to have my diagnosis go from a miscellaneous category to a specific one (which, I believe is conducive to more accurate forms of treatment for the disorder) then back to a miscellaneous one and to be told it would not be changed back again. In my opinion, this clearly shows the impotence of the public mental health system and is very unfortunate. I also find it interesting that the Patient Rights Advocate to whom I spoke with told me that in the twenty years she has worked for the agency, NO ONE has asked to change their diagnosis (but apparently she was mistaken; I was told by another staff member that there indeed was another person who successfully petitioned to have hers changed). Again, more inadequate information and handling of a person's situation. We are all human beings and deserve to be treated with respect and as though our opinions matter -- no matter who we are.**

My symptoms fluctuate on an ongoing basis -- and that's an understatement. I have depression, anxiety, racing thoughts, disorganized thought patterns; frequently have difficulty maintaining active attention on tasks and information, difficulty organizing tasks into proper sequence, get tired very easily (this may be related more to my thyroid disorder than my bipolar disorder, but it's still the case); get frustrated easily, am very irritated by noise (especially repetitive noise) and other issues I'm sure I've left out. A good example of my disability in action for me on a bad day is this: I remember distinctly one day, not being able to coordinate my thoughts into sequence in order to finish making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my child. That sucks.

All symptoms I suffer from (whether they are listed here or not) are exacerbated by both stress and poor sleep (less than 7-and-a-half hours seems to be inadequate, according to the documentation I've been keeping since last August). This doesn't lend well to the life of a full-time student at a State University, full-time mother, and person in recovery. I am always very dedicated to my commitments both in the home and outside the home (sometimes to a fault), but school always has to come second to my health and my children -- and, sad to say, even they have had to "wait" for my attention when school or recovery commitments arise.

Needless to say, my plate is full. I have God on my side, though, and that's what really seems to carry me through. Gotta tell ya' praying is highly underrated! Anywho, if you can make sense of any of this and have something constructive to add as a comment, feel free to do so. Otherwise, it won't get posted!

And I'm 3 and "o" after the 3rd...

Nice to know I'm capable of carrying a full course load and not going postal or clinically insane! In other words, to reference the above blog title, I have SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED MY 3RD QUARTER AT CAL POLY!!!!!

Thank you... I can hear you all cheering me on now.... thank you for your support (like how I have a fictional relationship with my non-existent audience? Leads one to assume differently on the aforementioned "insane" comment, eh?)

I am a winner!!! No, really. Not only have I been doing well in school, but somebody (actually, some people) think I'm special and that I should get an award for it. SWEET! I am really blessed today. God gifted me with my brain, so I gotta give Him a LOT of the credit. My blood, sweat and tears ain't lookin' so shabby either!

Now, if I could just figure out this "home repair" business... I've been breaking entirely too many things that I don't know how to fix! My furniture is taking the brunt of my yoga-and-push-ups-sculpted brawn and I just broke my coffee table day before yesterday. Wow, better lay off them steroids. Seriously, though, I'm almost convinced a man's brain is far more home-repair inclined than a woman's. Prove me wrong. Please. Then come over to my house, ladies, and fix my coffee table. Yeah. That's it!

Now I gotta figure out what to do with all my free time.... hee hee